First Daycare/Preschool Experience: 7 Survival Tips for Parents

Today, I attended my daughter's "open house" as she will start preschool next week. I know that with the end of summer, I am not the only one who had children going to school or daycare for the first time, so here are some tips, hints and advice from a mom of 4, the oldest in college and a former daycare administrator and teachers.


That first day back to work is difficult. But what may be even harder is that first day and the weeks after, dropping your child or infant off at daycare. All your worries and fears appear long before you pull into the driveway and as you hand your baby over to their caregiver or hug and kiss your preschooler or kindergartner. Every horror story about daycare you have ever heard is remembered on the drive to work, and before you even finish starting your computer you are on the phone to the daycare provider, whether it be an individual or center, asking for information about your son or daughter. Here are tips from someone who has been a preschool/daycare teacher and director of 6 years, an at home daycare provider and someone who has already dropped two children off to school and daycare (20 and 13 now) as well as in the fall preparing my younger children for their first preschool experience.

1. Be Calm: Babies and children can pick up on the stress you are experiencing. Many moms and dads are upset, worried, fearful and stressed about dropping their children off for the first time and during the first few weeks. There is a perfectly natural reason for this, but it is best to learn to control you emotions so that your child does not feel them also. This is your child and and naturally you feel that no one can really take as good care of her as you can -- and maybe you are right. But your sighs, tears, high pitched voice or any other signs of stress actually cause the child to act upset, worried and fearful.

Children are great imitators and they learn from us how to react to situations. If you get upset, tense and cry as your child, especially an infant will detect those feelings from you. Try to cut down on your stress, especially in the morning. Make sure to leave plenty of time for your drive. Prepare your items to take with you the night before. If you are religious, pray for a minute before walking in the daycare or removing your child from the car seat. Cut back a little on the caffeine in the morning, as it is a stimulant. Take deep breathes. Use a calming and happy voice when taking your child to daycare, talk about a happy day. To the very young especially mom's voice and face are great indicators of situations and your you look and sound are what your child will respond to. Try to stay long enough to make sure your child is settled and needs addresses as well as a moment with your caregiver, but do not stay too long as that makes the separation that much harder on the children, and you.

2. Make drop off time a happy time: Be sure to get in lots of snuggles, kisses, and happy voices. Talk to your child, even your infant and reinforce that Ms. . . is going to take very good care of you while mommy goes to work (not bye bye -- that should be fun stuff to do with her). When mommy comes home she will play with you and snuggle some more. I love you very much. Go out to the car, cry if you need to then repair your makeup and go to work.

3. Call for Information: If you feel the need to call and check on your child, go ahead. But remember that it can be hard on the staff if you do it several times a day. If a teacher takes time to talk to you, that takes time away from the babies or other children. Try to call at generally accepted nap times like 1030 am or 200 pm when babies are most likely to be sleeping or between 1-3 for toddlers and preschoolers. Also, make sure your daycare is providing you with a daily report, who what when where and why of what child does during the day, for example when they were asleep, ate, how much and diaper changes as well as any activities they enjoyed.

4. Watch your teacher or caregiver with the children: See how the teacher or caregiver reacts when you drop your child off. Are they warm and welcoming? Do you feel or see them comforting babies that are upset? Are they taking the extra time needed for infants? How many people are in the room? Be sure to allow for the fact that in some cases drop off time with 4 parents and 4 children can be pretty hectic.

5. Make pick up time a happy time, but not too happy: Don't over compensate for being gone. Be happy to see your child, talk lovingly to her or him; snuggle and yes, spend that extra time reading a book or playing toys or tummy time in the floor when you get home. It's OK to cook dinner 30 minutes later so that you and your child can have that extra time together. Encourage Dad to spend another 30 minutes when he gets home playing with her so you can do the cooking without feeling distracted.

6. Evaluate your expectations: Are your expectations too high? Remember if you are in a daycare center setting your child will be one of a few getting attention. You can not expect that your child will receive the majority or all of the attention that they received with you one on one. They can still receive quality care even if they have to wait a few extra minutes to get a bottle. After all, how often do you drop everything to address their needs? Do you jump out of the shower, or do they have to wait a minute till you get dried off? However, there is a difference between not being cared for and not being the center of the care. If your expectations are very high, I recommend a nanny or child care provider for your home. However, many caregivers are excellent at balancing the needs of the children as well as they providing each child with individual attention and affection. Find the caregiver that can do both and you have a treasure.

7. Listen to your intuition: there is nothing like it in the world especially when it comes to our children. If after a couple of weeks or even a few days you don't see improvement, then maybe this is not the right child care arrangement for you. If it is not, you need to find other arrangements both for your child's well being, your job security and your piece of mind to make changes. However, remember, Monday mornings are hard, your child has spent the whole weekend with you and now they are going away. Also remember that at certain ages children will experience separation anxiety, be sure to make your judgments based on your child's development and progress in daycare.

First and foremost, make sure that your child's needs are met. Ensure that they are receiving quality care and affection as well as individual attention at points throughout the day. If all those needs are being meet and you practice these or similar tips and techniques your daycare experience will be that much more peaceful and you will leave feeling better about your decision to work. If at some point that is not the case, and circumstances do not improve then the only choice you have is to look for other arrangements more to your expectations and desires. But try these first and see if your cares, concerns, fears and anxiety can become comfort, care and happiness for the new and exciting experiences your child will be able to have. Enjoy the best of both worlds and enjoy the wonderful opportunities to be with your child.